CAROUSEL
a collection of poetry, ART & Photos

"Dedicated to the ones I love, thought I love, tried to love.. " Keith Taylor
RED
What is this?
What is this shinny black container?
Filled with bright red
How come it’s so pretty and why am I so drawn to this?
Is it ok
Is it ok to put it on?
I guess I can since momma is gone
My butt would be blue if she caught me with this on
But I really think I look pretty in red

THE GOOD SON
Brian just wanted to be the good son
But you let him be abused
And it made him feel so confused
He didn’t know what he did wrong
That’s why he hides & stays alone
Even though Brian still wanted you
You pushed him away
Because he looked like his dad
He tried so hard to impress you
But he never could
Because his face would stay the same
And your pain that his father caused would remain
Brian only wanted to be the good son
And love you unconditionally
Even though you did not want him around
He wanted to make you happy
Even though he wasn’t
Brian only wanted to be the good son
And bring you flowers everyday
But you trashed everyone he admired
And made him feel so ugly deep inside
He wanted to take your sadness away
And make so you proud of him
But most of all
He wanted you to love me
I guess
I guess I wanted to be the good son

TIPTOE TIPTOE
Tip toe, tip toe
Turn out the lights
Tip toe, tip toe
Sneak around your bed
Tip toe, tip toe
Don’t you dare try to scream
Tip toe tip toe
Don’t even try to fight
Tip toe, tip toe
Get down on your knees
Tip toe, tip toe
You will get ice creamed
Tip toe, tip toe
Sleep tight
Tip toe, tip toe, tip toe
PLAYGROUND
This is were the sky is blue
This is were it never rains
This is were I can run to
So I wont feel any pain
You won’t see my fears and you won’t see any tears
I feel free just like the birds & the bees
Because no one holds me down
This is my shelter from the monsters
In this world
I choose who comes around and what goes around because this is
my playground
PLAYING WITH THE GIRLS
Pretty is girl
Beauty is a girl
Lovely is a girl
Sexy is a girl
Pussy is a girl
Slut is a girl
Bitch is girl
Whore is girl
Madam is a girl
Sister is a girl
Mother is a girl
Eve is a girl
What a different world
Why can’t I be a girl instead of playing with the girls?
FRISKY
You were my best friend
We walked so many miles together
You protected me when I was near danger
You always put a smile on my face
When I was under the weather and
I made sure your house had no leaks
When it rained cats & dogs
We had so much fun running thru the fields on sunny summer days
Rolling down a snowy hill on cold winter nights
But somewhere down this journey
I failed
I never came back to you
I never came back to rescue you from the danger
I prayed to GOD to forgive me but I was just a kid
I had no control and it hurts me so much to think of the last time
I saw you
Running as fast as you could to be with us
As we drove off down the dirt road
I have never once let my memories of you fade away &
If I only had one wish I would wish I could use my tears to bring you back home
I will always remember you Frisky
KIDS PLAY
I love my brothers in a way
Ill love no other
But you know how kids play
One broke me while the other choked me
It was like a roller coaster ride or maybe like a virgin bride
But all I know is I’ll never be the same especially after I came
That’s why I love my brothers in a way
Ill love no other but you know how kids play
Don’t waste it
Put it in deep
Taste it
It’s for you to keep
The experiment that led me to my sexual preference
That’s why I love my brothers in a way
Ill love no other
But you see this is how kids play
SCREAMS
Sometimes I feel like a puppy tied to a tree
Barking until someone sets me free
I live in fear because of his violence
No one can hear because my screams are silent
Sometimes I feel like a flower being crushed by his power
No one can help because these scars don’t disappear
Does he hurt me because I’m queer?
You see my screams
Will always be silent
because there will always be my dad’s violence inside of me

AUNT GLADYS
MY FIRST SIGHT OF YOU
WAS AT THE TOWN PARK
FOR A FAMILY AFFAIR
SO MANY PEOPLE AVOIDED YOU
AND I WONDER WHY?
WHY ARE THEY TREATING YOU LIKE A TOTAL STRANGER?
I GUESS YOU ARE THE BLACK SHEEP AUNT GLADYS
BUT YOU CAN’T BE AS BAD AS THEY PAINT YOU OUT TO BE
WHEN YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO LET ME BE ME
YOU MAY DRINK A LOT
HAVE TOO MANY LOVERS
BUT AT LEAST YOU LIVED
AND NEVER LET NO ONE TELL YOU HOW
YOU LOVED PUTTING ON YOUR RED LIPSTICK
& WALKING OUT THE DOOR IN YOUR BLACK HIGH HEELS
TO THE NEXT PARTY
YOU FOUGHT ALL THE TIME WITH THE MEN
WHO WANTED TO STAY WITH YOU FOR MORE THAN ONE NIGHT
AUNT GLADYS WERE YOU AFRAID OF BEING ABANDONED
OR WERE YOU JUST AFRAID OF BEING LOVED?
BEER BOTTLES FLEW, FURNITURE MOVED
THE POLICE WERE CALLED IN
AND I WOULD HEAR YOU SAY “WHO’S NEXT TONIGHT?”
AUNT GLADYS
YOU WERE WILD AT HEART
& YOU WERE NEVER A LADY
BUT YOU WERE THE ONLY RELATIVE
WHO OPENED YOUR HOME UP TO ME
WHEN THE NIGHT WOULD FALL & MY OWN BLOOD
WOULD TELL ME TO LEAVE
BECAUSE THEY THINK I’M STRANGE
AUNT GLADYS
YOU CAN’T BE AS BAD AS THEY PAINT YOU OUT TO BE
WHEN YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO ACCEPTED ME…
Dear Father,
There were days when I thought you had changed
But you just stayed in your old ways
Now I’m older & wiser
I’m cutting my ties
I never thought that I could do what you've done to me to another
Now here I am being exactly who I want to be
You could have been the dad that made me the brave one
But instead I lived in fear for many years
Not knowing if I would be exactly like you
So I’m going to just leave you behind
Never want to hear from you again
As long as I live because I’m the man you can never be
I walked alone I've cried alone
I just wished that you were there to guide me
But you just pushed me away so what else can I do
Except go my own way
You will never hear from me again
As long as I breathe because I’m the one you never wanted
But I learned how to love myself & how to give love
Without you in my life
I learned how to survive and how to stay tough on my own
Without you by my side
And without you as my dad
CUSTOMIZED
I was not an Indian boy
Only an outcast trying to blend in
I am not traditional
But you make me feel like I wore white
Who cares if I’m not from your tribe?
But before you shun me from your world
You need to open your small minds
I was never an Indian boy
You made me wish I were a white boy
I was never a white boy but you made me feel like a black boy
I never tried to fit in
I never tried to be anyone
I just wanted to be me
I was never a white boy
Only a poor boy trying to be in the in crowd
I am not from your wealthy family
But you made me act if I were
So who gives a shit about your big houses & fancy cars?
Before you laugh at the holes in my clothes
You need to walk a mile in my shoes
And know I have a rich soul
I was never your Indian boy
But you made me feel like a number
I was never your white boy
But you made me feel like a color
I never did try to fit in
I never did disguise who I was
I just know that I am not customized
To fit into your society



Crucified
Every time I hear their words it cuts me like knife
But they don’t know
That I did not choose this life
All the time I wonder why
Why are they treating me this way?
I guess this is what I must endure to be me
They keep saying I was not born this way and that I can change
Like a caterpillar changes into a butterfly
But only GOD knows why I am gay
And not until judgment day I will know why
But for them it’s already judgment day

IN THIS TOWN
In this town
I have found no happiness
No love
No understanding
As the days go by
I say to myself
How long can I stand the pain?
How much more can I take from this town
In this town
I have found bigotry
Ignorance
Isolation
As the days and months go by
I say to myself
How long can I stand the pain?
How much more can I take from this town before I’m six feet under ground
In this town
I have learned how to hate
I have learned how to lie
But most of all I have learned how to survive
FLIRT
You don’t seem to know no, no, no
Because I ended up being torn apart by what you called love
You didn’t even care to see me scrawling all over the floor
Trying to reach for the door knob
To get you out
You weren’t ashamed of what you did to me
You just left me there and walked away with nothing to say
When you were done
Leaving me there on the floor to bleed
With your seed slowly flowing out of me
When I finally gained conscious
I felt like I was in hell and I knew there was no to tell
Because you knew how to make me feel
Like I deserved it for being a drunken flirt

THE SCORE
TODAY
I GOT THE BALLS TO STAND UP TO YOU ALL
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THE MENTAL PHYSICAL ABUSE
BANG, BANG, BANG
TIME TO SURVIVE
TIME TO HEAL
TIME TO DIE
TIME TO GET REVENGE
I BET YOU SPOILED BRATZ
DID’NT SEE THIS ONE COMING
TODAY I’M BACK TO SETTLE THE SCORE
YOU MOTHERFUCKERS WHO BULLIED ME
WILL FINALLY FEEL HOW YOU MADE ME
SO SCARED & TRUAMATIZED THRU THE YEARS
THAT I FINALLY DROPPED OUT
BUT I’M BACK WITH A VENGANCE
I GOT A SHOT GUN
WITH EXTRA BULLETS
I GOT A YEARBOOK
WITH NAMES AND FACES OF THE PUNKS
WHO WILL DIE TODAY AND BE STUFFED IN MY TRUNK
BANG, BANG, BANG
IT’S TIME TO HEAL
TIME TO KILL
IT’S TIME TO FEEL
IT’S TIME FOR ME TO GET MY FUCKIN TRILLS
SO GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND PRAY
THAT YOU DON’T SHIT YOUR PANTS
WHEN I BLOW YOUR BRAINS ACROSS THE GYM FLOOR
SO COME OUT JOCKS & PREPS WHEREVER YOU ARE
AND SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR RICH ADVANTAGE LIVES
NOW SEE IF YOU CAN CHEER REAL LOUD WITH THIS SMOKIN BARREL
SHOVED DOWN YOUR THROAT
BANG, BANG, BANG
TIME TO HEAL
TIME TO DIE
TIME TO KILL ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!
LOSERS, POOR KIDS, LOANERS & OUCASTS
GET BEHIND ME
WERE NOT GONNA TAKE ANYMORE SHIT
FROM THE TEACHERS WHO ARE THE STUDENTS PETS
NO MORE BEING AFRAID OF COMING TO SCHOOL
NO MORE BEING ASHAME OF WHO YOU ARE
BANG, BANG, BANG
LET’S HEAL
LET’S KILL
LET’S GET R FUCKIN THRILLS
IT’S ABOUT TIME WE SETTLE THE SCORE!

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GONE
DOWN THE ROAD I WENT
NO ONE TO STOP ME
NO ONE TO PROTECT ME
NO ONE TO SAY GOODBYE
DOWN THE STREET I WENT
AS THE CARS GO BY
THE SUN SETS
THE MOON RISES ABOVE MY HEAD
AS I PAST THE NEXT SIGN
DOWN THE HIGHWAY I WENT
I PRAYED TO JESUS CHRIST
KEEP ME SAFE
KEEP ME WARM
KEEP ME STRONG
DOWN THE STREET I WENT
WITH MY THUMB UP IN THE AIR
WITH MY PAST LEFT BEHIND AND MY DREAMS INSIDE ME
DOWN THE ROAD I WENT
I CAN’T TURN BACK
I CAN’T GO BACK
I HAVE NO HOME
I HAVE NO HOME TO GO BACK TO
SO DOWN THE ROAD I GO
DOWN TO THE STREET I WENT
AND DOWN TO THE HIGHWAY…
I’M GONE
NEW YORK
I made it through the danger zone
With a lot of determination, I made it this far
I came from nowhere
Just to see the bright lights up in the sky
The city streets can be so hard
I’ve seen people come & people go
But I keep holding on with a prayer
Hoping that one day
I’ll be an overnight sensation
Big city
Look what you’ve done to me
New York
What will become of me?
Big city
Look what you made of me
New York
You make me feel like
I can make it anywhere!
I've been up & down
On this roller coaster ride over and over
But I've manage to hang in there
With my pride
Knowing that strangers’ words
Could cut me like a knife
But I've kept my head up so high in the sky
That I felt like a shooting star…
Big city
Look what you’ve done to me
New York
What will become of me?
Big city
U made me strong
New York
Look what you gave to me
Big city
U make me feel like I finally belong
New York, I love U!

THE BEAT
I have been trying to survive this whole week
And now it’s Friday
Don’t even ask me to stay late
Because I’m punching out
Time for me to go out tonight and play
Thru the doors I go & out on to the dance floor
If the dj plays my favorite song and if the bass is bumping
I’ll start jumping for more, more, more
And I’ll go on & on
So baby watch me spin out of control
While you keep on patrolling the dance floor
I’ll just keep on moving to the beat
Grooving to the beat
Flowing to the beat
I have only just begun and the night is still young
So party poopers wake the F up!
And get on the dance floor
Just let the music put you into a trance
Making you holler for more, more, more
So honey let your failures go & burn up the dance floor
Tonight everybody’s moving to the beat
Shaking to the beat
Just grooving to the beat
Happiness is what you need & that’s what you’ll get
When you let your bodies spin out of control
Then all your sadness will fly out the window
So get up of your ass and dance, dance, dance
Tonight were all gonna move, were all gonna groove
Were all going to party this night away
So get up and dance!!!
DEVIL’S RIDE
On any given day, I would take my chances on you
So tonight my heart will ask for this dance
Somewhere down the road
I left my heart wide open
So look at me now
You got me all shook up
And ready to fall
I fell for this guy
He’s not very kind
he’ll never be mine but I’ll go down on his ride
Just to be by his side
Because I have fallen for the devil
Some say there’s a price I’ll pay
But I’ll take whatever comes my way
It’s so hard not to enjoy what you’re doing to me
Somewhere down the line
I left my heart wide open to you
So look at me now
You got me all messed up and ready to crawl
I fell for this guy
He’s not very kind
he’ll never be mine but I’ll go down on his ride at any given time
Because I’m in love
In love with the devil

THE MOTHERS
As an adolescent
I was left to my own devices
Never knew who to call on
But you came to me
You rescued me
You educated me
You molded me
You guided me
You believed in me
You became the mother
That I've been longing for
On the city streets
I was just a shy skinny teen
Never knew I was a beauty
And that I could shine bright like diamond
But you came to me
You hustled me
You tricked me
You smarted me
You built me
You became the gay mother that I needed
To survive this kind of lifestyle
Thru out this circus
I’ve felt like I was all by my self
And no one understood me
But you came to me
Thru your sound & vision
You inspired me
You encouraged me
You have pushed me to go the extra mile
You became my mother
That I've been dreaming of...
JOY BOY
I’m a boy who gets paid
When I get laid
Some people may think im trash
But who knows their dads & uncles maybe having a bash
Joy boy
I’ll be whoever you want me to be
Joy boy
I can assure I’m no tease
Joy boy
How about you coming and spend some time with me
I’m a child who was momma’s boy
And then I became daddy’s toy
There the ones to blame
And that’s why I have no shame
Joy boy
I’ll be whoever you want me to be
Joy boy
I can assure I’m no tease
Joy boy
How about you come and spend some time with me
I do this so I can survive
And I count my blessings that I’m still alive
Joy boy
I’ll be whoever you want me to be
Joy boy
I can assure I’m no tease
Joy boy

STAR!
So this is how the story goes
I was down & out
I know what it’s all about
The cement is where I slept
I know what it’s like to have no cash
And end up selling your ass
Men will buy your soul
For a fuck & throw you out like morning trash
I lied and I stole
Even though I’ve cried alone
I knew something had to give
U got to do what u got to do
And even if you have to beg
You do what you have to do
Even if you have to spread
You got to do what you got to do
Then you move on
Haters want to see you crash & burn
Because they’ve got they never earned
They talk the talk but never 2 my face
But that won’t make me erase my past
Because that’s what put me where I’m at
And unlike the others
I’m not the same
I have no shame
I made a name
I did what I had to do
I pushed & I pushed my way up to the top
Now everyone has their egos out
Ready to see me drop
Because I did what I had to do, I do what I have to do
I won’t let haters people bring me down
because I worked 2 hard to get this far
And now I’m the fucking star!
THE SECRET
SECRET
TALKING ABOUT MY SECRET
SECRET
HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN?
SECRET
WHO ELSE WILL KNOW?
SECRET
HOPE I OUTLIVE THIS SECRET
WILD AND LOOSE I WAS
I TELL YA
BUT DON’T FORGET
I WAS YOUNG AND FREE FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN MY MISERABLE BORING LIFE
I’M GOING TO GET ME SOME
SELL IT, CHARGE IT AND GIVE IT OUT FOR FREE
SECRET
BAD PEOPLE WOULD LOVE TO KNOW
SECRET
I WILL NEVER TELL MY SECRET
TALKING ABOUT THE SECRET
I HAVE TO LIVE WITH
THE SECRET
I HAD SO MUCH RAGE IN ME
I CRAVED FOR SO MUCH ATTENTION
THAT I TOOK LOVE IN SO MANY SHAPES & FORMS
TO BREAK ME OUT OF THIS SELF-CONSCIOUS STAGE
I JUST DON’T WANT NOBODY TO KNOW
SECRET
WHAT I’VE DONE TO GET BY
SECRET
TALKING ABOUT MY SECRET
HOW MUCH LONGER CAN I HIDE THE PAST?
SECRET
HOW LONG CAN THIS SECRET LAST?
SECRET
HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN MY SECRET?
SHHH
IT’S A SECRET
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WONDERLAND
I got stuck in wonderland on a hot summer night
The clouds moved slowly in the pink sky and
I could hear the sound of opera playing in the background
So I decided to take the role of a junkie
Little did I realize my immune system was so low but
I didn’t feel ill at all
All I wanted to do was take another pill and dance my life away
As the white snow fell in my head
Time was slipping away
While my faith walked out the door
All I could do was look at the floor
Wondering if I could make a quick score
So I could perform once more
In wonderland I got a standing ovation for the part I played
I didn't want it to end so I took a hit from the microphone
Got so high I couldn't stand,
I could hear the applause from the fans that
Where coming from a hole in the wall & there was millions of feet
Stomping so hard making my body shake hysterically on the stage floor
But then it all stopped
I looked around
Nobody was here except me, except me in a white padded cell
I wonder
Could I still be stuck in wonderland?


VEINS
Your misery runs through my veins
There’s no way to get you out
Even when I scream out loud
You still go to my brain
Making me feel my own rage
Running, rushing through my veins
Traveling down my system like a train
Running, rushing through my veins
Making me feel my own dam pain
Your misery runs through my veins
There’s no way of getting tired
Even when I sleep I can’t get unwired
Because you’re still fucking frying my brain
Running, rushing through my veins
Traveling down my system like a train
Running, rushing to my brain
Making me feel like I’m locked in a cage
Running, rushing through my veins
Like a out of control burning train
Running rushing to my brain
Making me feel like I'm locked up in a cage
Running rushing through my veins
Making me go fucking insane
DARK
I was the biggest loser
I have used my so called powers
To bury my soul for one more person
Dark
Dark
Dark side of me
Did I just say save me?
Or was I just trying to be in control of my own self destruction
Because no one can help me escape these suicidal thoughts
Dark
Dark
Dark side of me
Did you just call me the biggest loser you ever known?
Or were you just being mad at yourself?
Heaven forbid if you use your so called powers to down one more drink
Dark
Dark
Dark side of me
Do you ever wonder if you could ever stay sober?
That you will see the damage that you have done to yourself in the mirror
Or will I see that little boy still running away from all the pain
Dark
Dark
The dark side of me

LIKE THEY ALL DO
I WAKE
WITH A
BIG BANG
I THINK
I DRANK
TOO MUCH
LAST NIGHT
I FORGOT
I BROUGHT
YOU HOME
U START TO LEAVE MY SIGHT
SO I SAY
HEY
I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME
WAIT
I USUALLY DON’T BEHAVE THIS WAY
SO STAY
DON’T THROW ME AWAY LIKE THEY ALL DO
LIKE THEY ALL DO
I WAIT
4 THE NIGHT
TO COME
I FIX
A DRINK
I HOPE
THIS WON’T
LEAD TOO
MY BRINK
OF UNHAPPINESS
THEN SUDDENLY
BLACKED OUT
YOU’RE GONE
AND I'M HERE HUNG OVER
ALL ALONE
SO
WAIT
I PROMISE U I'LL CHANGE
STAY
I'M REALLY A GOOD PERSON
SO HEY
SAY YOU'LL STAY & DON’T WALK AWAY
LIKE THEY ALL DO
LIKE THEY ALL DO
LIKE THEY ALL DO
MONSTER
It’s been years since I’ve seen your face
I still feel the feeling of being afraid of you
And I’m still trying to get far away as I can
From the trauma, you installed in me when I was a kid
Visions of you beating my mom
Seeing her with a bloody lip
You would say you were sorry
But father if you loved her
Why did you hurt her so much?
I don’t want to turn out like you
I don’t want to be just like my daddy
Beating on the ones I love
Just like my daddy
Telling me he’ll never hurt me again
But just like Dr. Jykle & Mr. Hyde
You would change into that monster
And beat me too
You were never like that all the time
But in seconds your face would turn to a boiling red
And all hell would break loose
So, don’t say you’re sorry and that you love me
When you turn into that monster and leave me all bruised
That hurt so much that I’m too scared to tell anyone
Why dad why did you do the things you did to us
That I wish you were dead
I don’t want to be just like my daddy
Beating on you
Just like my daddy
Saying I’m sorry and I’ll never do it again
Just like my daddy
Lying to us
But just like Dr. Jykle & Mr. Hyde
I turned into the monster that I was so terrified of
Just like my dad
MY INTERVENTION
Why am I still standing?
When everything I’ve ever done
Could have been my last mistake
Why are you still with me?
If the answer is because you love me
Then I need to make a change
In times like these I never knew
How much I have to live for
But as I’ve heard time & time again
One door closes and another one will open
So I must let go of these cravings
And learn how to make it on my own
Can I make alone, can I make it my own
Were all the same
We all make mistakes
And we all play this stupid game
Some show it
Some hide it and some blow it
I have played it too many times
I now have scars
For fighting at the bars & getting into strangers cars
When will I ever learn?
But don’t cry for me
I'll be fine in the morning
I have lived for another day
If it’s time for me to let go
Then I must never isolate myself
If it's time for me to clean up & check out
Then I must never return
To the mess that I created
Now it's time for me to open the door
And walk away

REMEMBER
Hello love
I miss you so much
I should have changed and now I may never feel your touch
My heart has been bruised it feels like I’ve been punched
I should have rearranged my feelings for you
But I do hope these words get through because dreaming of you
Is all I can do now that you’re gone?
Thinking of you makes me feel blue wondering what I did wrong
Goodbye love
As I walk from your door I started to cry and my tears ran to the floor
I guess it was worth the ride but how can I forget you
God knows I tried thousands of times but for what
Because dreaming of you is all I can do now that you’re gone
Thinking of you makes me feel blue wondering where did I go wrong
But remember I will always love you Juan

IN DREAMS
In my dreams you come to me
To show me never ending love
But when I awake you are nowhere to be found
In my bed of pain
I sit here all alone thinking what did I do
What did I do to make you leave in the rain?
In my dreams your eyelashes turn to petals
Like a beautiful blooming flower
But when I awake you are nowhere to be found
Except in the pictures on the wall and your scent in my pillows
Making me wish you were here to hold on to
In my dreams your kisses bring me back to life again
But when I wake up I scream out your name
Please, please don’t leave me this way
But you are nowhere to be found
So every night I pray
I pray that you will come to me in my dreams and sweep me away into the happy ever after life that we once had
Till then I will wipe away my tears and keep dreaming of you…
ROPE
I have no choice but to let you go
After all these years on this ride
And seeing what you’ve have become
We have come undone
There was some love coming from somewhere
But in the end there was nothing
So if we choose to let go of all are differences
Can we get all are emotions back in order
Or will we go over the border of being through with this thing called love
I’ve been hoping that in time
You would change but you just stayed the same
So it seems to me there’s no more hope for us
And there is only lust in the dust
So I will arrange to let go of this rope
Tied around my heart so we can finally be apart
And you can finally run free into the wild

SAY GOODBYE
I think
I think I’ll start out by saying
I’m going to miss you again
I wish I had
I had to see you again
But I can’t
I won’t be able to say goodbye
Sorry I
I didn’t make the effort
To find out where you were
But I know
I know who you are
You were a great friend to have
You came to help me in my time of need
But I wish
I wish I could have saved you
When you started to bleed
Maybe I
Maybe I could be able to meet you again
But I can’t
Because I won’t be able to say
Say goodbye
Dedicated to Greg Gostanian aka Queerdonna
PRETEND
I have been frowning
Ever since you passed away and now I have no one to pretend
Like we were stars
Just the memories you left behind
That is slowly fading from my mind
Making me realize how important time can be
Now that you’re not here with me
So somewhere
There must be a place for us
To put on a show again
But when the curtains go up
I must take the stage alone and just pretend
You are holding my hand
So I don’t get butterflies
And when the spotlight comes down on me
I just know that it is you
It’s you shining down on me
From the heaven above
To let me know
That it is okay
To take a bow without you
CRAZY
I’m crazy for holding on to you
I’m a fool for thinking you would stay
I’m insane for chasing after you
I guess sometimes I’m just crazy for loving you
My emotions may have gotten out of hand last night
But I had so much to say that it might have caused me to fight with you
For not wanting me the way I want you
But you did it again
You made me believe that you still loved me
I’m crazy for holding onto you
I’m a fool for thinking you would stay
I’m insane for chasing after you
I guess I’m just crazy for wanting you
I’ll turn my back on you
Just like you have done to me a thousand times
But I know when I walk out the door
You will always be in my heart
Even though you were the one who drove us apart
Making my love for you die
So I’m crazy for holding onto you
I’m a fool for thinking you would stay
I’m going mad chasing after you
I guess
I guess I’m so stupid for loving you
HAPPY
I feel so down
I can’t take this pain anymore
Even when I’m with my friends
I still feel you near and it brings on the tears
Like a rainstorm that will never end but I must keep moving on
Or I will surely drown in my pool of sorrow
So I pretend I’m a happy person and I don’t know what pain is
I don’t know what sadness is
So I pretend I don’t know what love is
Still there are times
I’m not for sure if I’m going to be strong enough
To keep moving on with life without you
But I’m certain i'll find a place that I can run too
And that there will be no traces of my broken heart
So I pretend
I’m a happy person
I don’t know what sadness is
So I pretend
I don’t know what love is
So I just pretend that I’m not breaking down
That I’m a happy person
THE BURN
Scene One:
It’s late at night half past 12
I’m rushing to your house with a can of gasoline
I didn’t know that I could become so mean
But you drove me to this madness
I hope you’re there with that whore because tonight you’re going to find out what it feels like to have your heart torched When I set you two on fire
So burn baby burn
Scene Two:
It’s a hot sunny afternoon and I’m standing over your grave with a bottle of vodka
Trying not to laugh because it’s so silly now that you left me
Because you didn’t win the fight but you were never fair so why the hell should I care If you rot in hell
You were the one who drove me to this madness
So burn baby burn
THE END
THE WALK OUT
Momma raised me to be an honest committed boy
She told me the tall tales that men tell
But she never mentioned that there would be snakes like you
I’m sick and tired of repeating myself like a scratched up 45 record
You have not listened to me and you did not care for our future
So you better start paying attention baby
Do you want to change and become my prince that only a sister would envy or
Do I have to make the move and walk out on you?
You make me so confused that I don’t know what to do with you boy
You make me so mad that makes me so sad that I’ll have to walk out on you and forget that we ever met
Oh baby
You believed in the words that made you so sweet and that any fool would want to eat
I sure did
I ate every last crumbs of your lies and now I feel like something has died inside of me
I’m fed up and ready to release you to the dogs because that’s all you ever were to me a dog
I’ve had enough so I’m out the door I’m walking, I’m walking out the door with my heart
That will be placed on the shelf until a king comes along and sweep me of my feet so till then I’m out because I can
I’m fucking out of here!
SAVAGES (Walk Tall)
123 numbers are all they are to you
345 never thought I become one to
I walk tall never afraid to fall
I’ve had my ups & downs before like any other human
But I never thought I become the one
To fall thru the cracks & into the hands of greedy savages
They keep kicking while you’re down so you can never rebound
And I’ve heard their stories but never thought they were true
I’ve heard the stories but never worried
Because I’m to sane to end up as someone’s mask of deceptions
But stand up once for your rights
And they’ll wait like piranhas in the night to tear you apart
Push medications on you till you don’t know who you are or were you are
And they run the show
Just like a concentration camp but they use a different disguise
To torture & to humiliate the homeless, the poor & the weak
But I walk tall
While you keep rotating a slew of money rolling in
That keeps your filthy mad function going
You can keep using every saint to your name
But you aren’t any different from those who hanged the innocent from the money tree
For being different
But I keep walking tall
My feet held tight on to the ground while
the cowards gang banged me into a state of self destruction
But in my head I knew I never did anything wrong
But only in your red demon eyes I did
When I stood up & fought for respect
You laughed & thought I was another disturb but not the least
So fuck with my mind till I’m unconscious
Shove me in padded room against my will
And make sure to tell the doctor to run up my bill
Till I’m not the same & I can’t remember my name
But you mother fuckers aren’t nothing
Because I’m still walking
I’m still walking tall
You’re just losers at your own game
And one day you’ll be on the other side becoming just a number
123 you’ll be at the mercy of my kind
456 again your organization is nothing but a crime
To get the poor off your golden streets
While you rake in all the donations’ in like a bunch of savages
You greedy bastards
Can’t even make your own kill
Without preying on the mentally ill and
It’s just sad
You can hide behind a disguise and get away with it
But not today but maybe the next
You’ll fuck with the wrong person that’ll blow you away
And they’ll be the only ones walking away
Walking away
Walking tall & proud down your golden streets…
Happy!
Summer Rain
They are coming
They have arrived
They are here to fix you
There has been nothing but chaos
Ever since you slipped & fell off the brick wall
Your brain has been cracked open and now there is a leak
And also a malfunction in the emotions department
It is best that we be forgotten
So no one knows that some screws are loose, pipes are rusty & irreplaceable
So it’s best to forget and to be forgotten
So no one knows how we hurt & what pain we feel
Lay down the spirit
So life can smell the sweet rotten decay of youth
That once lived inside
The machine that they created
No more pulse to feel the pain
No more thumping of the heart
To feel the love from the human race
Time is ticking slowly
Info disappearing
Going numb
Parts of happiness have all been dismantled
While I lie here broken down
With just one memory left… meeting you somewhere out in the summer rain.
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CHANGE?
You always say we need to change
And that life will be perfect
But all we do is just sit around & think
Would it be worth it?
People say the world should change
And everyone will live in peace & harmony
But all we do is spend loads of money & live in the fast lane
Till were broke & hustling again
So would you like to
Would you like to change with me today
& get away from your old ways?
Would you take a chance and try to make a better day
For you and me
Would you
Should you
Could you
You say you’ve been down a rocky road
But it doesn’t mean you got to give up hope
And let go of life’s rope
Because
You can change
You can get up and help a stranger in need
When you save your pity 4 another day
You’ll realize you’ve been there too
So would you like to
Change
Change with me today
And make a better life for you & me
Could we run off & finally live happily ever after
When the cold war is done
Would we learn how to love thy neighbor unconsciously?
And stop living so selfishly
So should we change for the best?
4 U & me
And maybe
Just maybe
4 the rest of the world
Should you
Would you
Could you
Try to change?
FOR YOU
When life has been hard and you have fallen
Feeling like help is nowhere to be found
And almost every second your feeling like you have no will to live
But if you look my way you’ll see you have so much to give
When you need a shoulder to cry on I’m going to be there
And when no one isn’t listening
I’ll be the one who will help you up and guide you to a better life
On days, you have worked so hard and you feel like you have nothing to show for
Remember material thing won’t keep you sober
Don’t let your taste rule your thoughts
When you know there’s a dealer on every corner wanting to sell you a bag of dope for your soul
I will be there to see you through I’m just a phone call away
And I will ride this wave with you till your craving ends
I’m here for you when the darkness falls and the nightmares begin
So when you’re feeling trapped and feeling like you can’t get out
Just give me a shout out and I will be there
So when you’re feeling doubt remember I will always help you out because that’s what friends are for
I will stick it out with you until the battle is over, the battle is over

THIS DAY
Hello Mr. Sunshine
How are you today?
As I wake to the sound of a roar above my home
I think nothing of it
So I lay my head back down to sleep
Without realizing that only in a few seconds
That thousands would be dead & a new war had begun
The phone begins to ring off the hook
I answer whom?
It’s me Angel
What’s the matter I say?
Turn on the TV right now
Thru my eyes with disbelief
I see that one of the twin towers has been hit by a plane
The voice on the line screams out to me
Get out, get out while you can
There are more hijacked planes in the sky and nowhere to be found
I hung up the phone and put on my clothes
But before I grab my keys
I keep asking myself
Is this really happening?
Should I take this serious and should I grab my pussycat and run out screaming?
As I push the off button on the TV
I see the second tower get hit
So I grab my keys but not my pussy
I open my door and walk thru the lobby and keep saying to myself
I should not feel threatened because this is not an attack on my people
As I walk the streets
I can see smoke in the air and ashes falling to the ground
People are crying and running away from downtown
Traffic is backed up, sirens blaring and phone lines are down
But there’s nothing I can do
There was nothing I did for this day to happen
So I ran as fast as I could back up to my home
Grabbed my pussy cat
And sit down to watch the blame game on the telly
Hours & minutes go by
As the night falls over the silent city
I look out my window and say
Hello Mr. Moon
How are you tonight?
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THE CITY
I walked along these streets before
But it keeps on getting kind of scary
I don’t even know where I’m going too
Everything is changing
Where is everybody going
All the buildings are disappearing
Nothing is the same & nothing will remain
Can’t stop the city from the filthy rich
Can’t stop the rebuilding
Can’t stop the money from forcing out the old
And in with the new
I’m on the subway train and it seems like
I’m riding first class
The butlers’ & maids head for the sky scrapers in the sky
The rich that were afraid ride the 6 decades ago
Ride like there going to the Hampton’s for the weekend with Gucci bags, Chanel scarfs Versace eyewear
So out with the old & in with the new
Someday we won’t be able to visit the city
We won’t be able to afford to take the train into the city
We won’t be able see what has happened to the old city
Without them building over the last memory of what we had of the city
Bye bye New York City bye bye
RUN WITH THE WOLVES
My little Shepard
You wanted to run with the wolves
Even though you have been warned
About the beast that lies within
They will bite and tear you from limb to limb
Leaving you to die in the burning sun
My poor little Shepard
You have been warned of the danger so many times
Now you hang from a wooden fence
Laid out so the whole world can learn
From your mistake
Or will they be just like you
Dying to run with the wolves
You have strayed from the pack before
Lucky you
The other sheep’s got a hold of you in time
And choose not to tell anyone
How careless you have become to satisfy your lust
Oh my poor little ivory sheep
You wanted to run with the wolves
Even though you have been warned
About the beast that lies within
They will tear you apart & eat your heart
Leaving you to rot in the red-hot desert sun
So no one can see
What happens to little Shepard’s like you
When they try to run with the wolves


REPRESENT
You do not represent me
You are the publics TV whores
Only for their entertainment
And now the straights want to act like their gay
Just because it’s in vogue
Oh look at me
I’m a dancing queen
They are as vague as you can be
Living in la la land
We all don’t live in Chelsea
We all don’t wear Versace
We all don’t blare like sirens
Running around like a bunch of fairies
Like were in Sex in the City
That’s why the rappers rap about
Beating the crap out of fags
I’ll tell you one thing
Boys that think they’re men
Come around my hood
Rapping homophobic remarks
Will get my cock so far up their ass
They’ll taste shit for days
I’ll show you I’m not like those fags on TV
Living in a fantasy world
We all don’t live in high rises
We all don’t go to the gym
We all don’t run after guys like were
Soo desperate for sex
Were all not fake TV whores
Living in la la land
And they do not represent me!


